Dissatisfaction...or Perfection..I couldn't decide what was a better title.

If you remember yesterday's post, I posted a song called "Ugly" by 2NE1, which was covered by Megan Lee.

That song got me thinking about us, as people, and how we tend to fixate on the things that make us inadequate. We always have phrases like, "I wish I could be more talented in XYZ" or "Wow, I wish I was like XYZ." I know for certain that I have had this mindset before.

We always want to be better. We have dreams and goals that we want to attain. But why? Why such a fixation on becoming "the best"? Can't we as people accept ourselves for who we are? We do we have to go all this "junk" in order to become the best? In school, for example, people work themselves to death to get good grades. Why? So they can be "the smartest." In sports, people overwork themselves to the point that when they reach their max, they collapse. They can't function anymore. In music, artists have to get throat surgery, because they practice too much. Why do we always push ourselves past the limit, in order to become better?

Now, I'm not railing against dreams. Dreams are what make us push forward, and help us become better people. But there has to be a point when dreams turn into rabid mindsets. That can't happen. As a Christian, I need to accept the fact that God made me this way. Does that mean I don't try to be a better student? No, of course not. Does this mean I don't try to break 6 minutes for the mile (which mind you is still a pretty pathetic time)? No. But it means that I don't need to overwork myself for such a meaningless goal of "smartest student."

That being said, let me tell you my dreams.

Dream 1: I want to be a better singer.

Why? Well, it's actually related to my fear of appearing in public. I HATE public speaking. That doesn't mean I won't do it, but it's an experience that always brings my anxiety level up to 11. I've spoken at the YIG closing convention. THAT was scary. Talking to 1700 people at once is something that you can't really know until you've tried. But, that experience was just as scary as talking to my AP Lang class of 20 people. My knees were shaking, and I tried to mask my nervousness by talking softly, moving around, and occasionally talking loudly to get rid of my jitters. I think my talking softly actually helped the speech, surprisingly, because it became a lot more emotional for me.

So how does public speaking relate? Well, I can't sing in public. I can sing in a group at church, or when having fun with friends. (You've never sung Phantom of the Opera until you've sung it while dissecting a pig.) But, when I sing solo, I simply can't. My voice cracks, and I just can't get the words out. Funny story, when I recorded a podcast with my friend, and we were supposed to be singing a song, I couldn't sing it well, because he was in the room with me. I get very self-conscious about myself when singing, and because of that, I couldn't sing with one person in the room--despite the fact that this podcast was going out to the whole world!

So yeah, that's dream number 1.

Dream 2: Being perfect.

Now, this is going to be borderline satirical but bear with me.

I do a lot of activities. Piano, Math Team, Science Olympiad, Quiz Bowl, etc. In all of these activities, there is one similarity: the possibility of mistake. In piano, I hate practicing, because that's when I find my mistakes. In Math Team, I get super nervous during competition, because I think I'm going to make a mistake. I sweat A LOT during Science Olympiad events, because I'm always nervous I'm going to screw up. In Quiz Bowl, I sometimes won't press the buzzer because I'm afraid of being wrong.

I want to be perfect, so I don't have to go through that. And of course, that's an impossible dream.

Perfection is really a dumb thing. No person in our society is perfect. It's just not going to happen. You try all you want. LeBron James still misses shots. Obama still messes up on some speeches. Teachers make mistakes all the time.

Basically, in my opinion, being perfect means being able to accept who you are, faults and all. It's about knowing that, despite your mistakes, you're doing the best you can. If you have never heard P!nk's song "Perfect", you should. Although try to find the clean version.


So that's all I wanted to say. Actually, one more thing. Back to the topic of smart people. I was talking to my friend today about a math competition we had. He remarked how cool it would be to meet all the people ranked above us, but I adamantly said no. My reason? I would feel inadequate next to them. And seriously, who wouldn't? When you meet a guy who's IQ is probably 2x yours, who wouldn't feel slightly dissatisfied with their own self?

Something to think about.


Now, for a video, I'm going back to Jimmy Wong. Who is a boss. And this song is great. You should also listen to the club mix. It's great too.

Not to mention an amazing movie. You know what? That's dream number 3. Make amazing movies.