Dissatisfaction...or Perfection..I couldn't decide what was a better title.

If you remember yesterday's post, I posted a song called "Ugly" by 2NE1, which was covered by Megan Lee.

That song got me thinking about us, as people, and how we tend to fixate on the things that make us inadequate. We always have phrases like, "I wish I could be more talented in XYZ" or "Wow, I wish I was like XYZ." I know for certain that I have had this mindset before.

We always want to be better. We have dreams and goals that we want to attain. But why? Why such a fixation on becoming "the best"? Can't we as people accept ourselves for who we are? We do we have to go all this "junk" in order to become the best? In school, for example, people work themselves to death to get good grades. Why? So they can be "the smartest." In sports, people overwork themselves to the point that when they reach their max, they collapse. They can't function anymore. In music, artists have to get throat surgery, because they practice too much. Why do we always push ourselves past the limit, in order to become better?

Now, I'm not railing against dreams. Dreams are what make us push forward, and help us become better people. But there has to be a point when dreams turn into rabid mindsets. That can't happen. As a Christian, I need to accept the fact that God made me this way. Does that mean I don't try to be a better student? No, of course not. Does this mean I don't try to break 6 minutes for the mile (which mind you is still a pretty pathetic time)? No. But it means that I don't need to overwork myself for such a meaningless goal of "smartest student."

That being said, let me tell you my dreams.

Dream 1: I want to be a better singer.

Why? Well, it's actually related to my fear of appearing in public. I HATE public speaking. That doesn't mean I won't do it, but it's an experience that always brings my anxiety level up to 11. I've spoken at the YIG closing convention. THAT was scary. Talking to 1700 people at once is something that you can't really know until you've tried. But, that experience was just as scary as talking to my AP Lang class of 20 people. My knees were shaking, and I tried to mask my nervousness by talking softly, moving around, and occasionally talking loudly to get rid of my jitters. I think my talking softly actually helped the speech, surprisingly, because it became a lot more emotional for me.

So how does public speaking relate? Well, I can't sing in public. I can sing in a group at church, or when having fun with friends. (You've never sung Phantom of the Opera until you've sung it while dissecting a pig.) But, when I sing solo, I simply can't. My voice cracks, and I just can't get the words out. Funny story, when I recorded a podcast with my friend, and we were supposed to be singing a song, I couldn't sing it well, because he was in the room with me. I get very self-conscious about myself when singing, and because of that, I couldn't sing with one person in the room--despite the fact that this podcast was going out to the whole world!

So yeah, that's dream number 1.

Dream 2: Being perfect.

Now, this is going to be borderline satirical but bear with me.

I do a lot of activities. Piano, Math Team, Science Olympiad, Quiz Bowl, etc. In all of these activities, there is one similarity: the possibility of mistake. In piano, I hate practicing, because that's when I find my mistakes. In Math Team, I get super nervous during competition, because I think I'm going to make a mistake. I sweat A LOT during Science Olympiad events, because I'm always nervous I'm going to screw up. In Quiz Bowl, I sometimes won't press the buzzer because I'm afraid of being wrong.

I want to be perfect, so I don't have to go through that. And of course, that's an impossible dream.

Perfection is really a dumb thing. No person in our society is perfect. It's just not going to happen. You try all you want. LeBron James still misses shots. Obama still messes up on some speeches. Teachers make mistakes all the time.

Basically, in my opinion, being perfect means being able to accept who you are, faults and all. It's about knowing that, despite your mistakes, you're doing the best you can. If you have never heard P!nk's song "Perfect", you should. Although try to find the clean version.


So that's all I wanted to say. Actually, one more thing. Back to the topic of smart people. I was talking to my friend today about a math competition we had. He remarked how cool it would be to meet all the people ranked above us, but I adamantly said no. My reason? I would feel inadequate next to them. And seriously, who wouldn't? When you meet a guy who's IQ is probably 2x yours, who wouldn't feel slightly dissatisfied with their own self?

Something to think about.


Now, for a video, I'm going back to Jimmy Wong. Who is a boss. And this song is great. You should also listen to the club mix. It's great too.

Not to mention an amazing movie. You know what? That's dream number 3. Make amazing movies.

Video Games Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't actually own MW3 or SC2. I just choose to comment on it, by watching the Machinima LiveStream. Which is awesome. Although WAY too much swearing.

There's a company I extremely dislike right now. Its name is ActivisionBlizzard. Why do you ask? Well because, ActiBlizz is in it for the money. Now, I know all businesses are in it for the money, but ActiBlizz is IN IT FOR THE MONEY.


Exhibit A: Please examine Modern Warfare 2. Great game, IMHO. I loved it, and still play it occasionally. Black Ops comes one year after, and sets the bar even higher. I really liked that it was different that MW2, and yet also different than the previous Treyarch title, World at War. Being able to unlock what gun you wanted based on in-game money, rather than levels was genius. One year after (two after MW2 if you're wondering) comes Modern Warfare 3. Now, I haven't seen any of the campaign yet, but right now, looking at the multiplayer, it's basically looks like DLC. The font is the same, the little icons are the same. Sure, there's some gameplay changes. Pointstreaks are a genius idea, and I think not having the nuke (or MOAB) end the game is also very smart. But I don't appreciate the fact that MW3 looks and probably feels exactly like MW2. Nothing has changed in multiplayer (although I would be excited to look at the new horde mode). The guns may look different, the maps may be different, the perks may be a bit different, but essentially, MW3 is DLC. It's not a new game. And it's definitely not worth the $60 people are paying for it.

Exhibit B: COD Elite. $50. It's not a game. 'Nuff said.

Exhibit C: Starcraft II. Oh my goodness. Now, this is definitely a object of contention for me. In case you haven't heard, Starcraft II is split into 3 games: Wings of Liberty (which focuses on the Terran campaign), Heart of the Swarm (which focuses on the Zerg campaign) and Legacy of the Void (which focuses on the Protoss campaign). Now, each of these games will be sold for $50-$60 depending where you buy them. Also, only WoL is out. HotS is planned to be out in April next year, and who knows when LotV is coming out. I mean it's Blizzard. They took 13 years after SC1 to bring out SC2. This is where I'm mad. If I bought all the games (which I'm probably not going to) it would cost me minimum $200. What do I get? 3 (deep) campaigns, and 1 multiplayer experience. Now, in my head, HotS and LotV are considered expansion packs. All I'm really getting from those two games are two new campaigns. I'm not getting a new multiplayer experience. So, in reality, they should be priced at $30 at most, because I'm not getting two modes, I'm only getting one.

This is what makes me mad about the game industry. They claim they would take a loss if they sold games less than $50. Really? Then please explain the Madden and 2K war, when prices dipped down to $20. As far as I can tell, neither company lost money. The only reasons prices are higher now, are because EA has an exclusive contract, so basically it can sell at whatever price it wants. Game makers should be willing to let US, the consumer, at least not bear such a difficult burden. Do we get a lot of utility? Depends. I certainly haven't from Supreme Commander 2 and Empire: Total War. (I should probably play those more often, but they just aren't that fun right now.) Did I get utility from MW2? Yes. But I still think that $60 is way to much for a video game.

Edit: I almost forgot! Youtube video time!

Read Megan's translation of the lyrics in the description. I think we face these types of feelings all the times, maybe it's not beauty, but it could also be smarts, musical talents, etc. Bottom line: this song makes you think.

Also, I wish I had talent like Megan. (IRONY.) She is such an amazing singer.

A post about patience. Let's get it over with already.

So.

One thing I really hate about technology is loading times. Right now, I'm converting an .avi file to mp4...and the thing is going to take half an hour. So I'm actually typing this to pass the time. I guess it could be worse.

I know things aren't instant. If they were, what would be the point of life? We would just go through things and have them immediately resolve themselves, and go onto the next thing. Being able to wait is a good thing.

I was talking to my mom earlier this week, and we were talking about having "quiet time," something that I definitely don't have enough of. I don't think it's because I don't have time, but maybe because I feel I need to be doing something all the time. It's kinda like my APM in life has to always be at the max. (All you SC2/RTS nerds should be laughing about....now.)

And it's funny, because I'm writing this on the night of Daylight Savings Off day (or is it on?). Basically, we'll get an extra hour to sleep tonight. In theory. So, if we had that extra hour, what would we do with it? How would we use it, and would it be considered useful? For me, I'm not too sure.

I just won an assassination game on Scioly.org that took almost two months to finish. I can't believe I stayed with it that long, and by the end you could tell I just wasn't in it. Instead of posting on time, I usually waited 12 hours or another day longer to post. I was just getting so tired that I couldn't focus.

A good example of this is this past week, I've been watching the Uncharted 3 Walkthroughs on YouTube. Now, it's not because I'm going to buy the game, and want to see how to beat it, but rather I like watching gameplay. Also, Uncharted has a great storyline, so I'm basically watching a 5 hour long movie. Now, usually, I would go on Wikipedia and read the synopsis of the plot, just so I'm not too confused when I watch. I attribute this to impatience; I don't want to be surprised by plot twists. But this time, I didn't, because I wanted to be surprised. It was definitely confusing at some points, but it turned out to be a rewarding experience.

So that's about it, I guess.

Speaking about patience, let's get the NBA lockout solved already. While I don't really care about the NBA right now (it's hard to when your home team is absolutely terrible), it would be nice to have something to read about on the sports pages.

Irony....or not.

I was thinking up K-pop related puns today. Some of these may be borrowed from others, but hey, they are still funny.

• I'm listening to f(x) while doing math.
• I'm studying physics while listening to BIGBANG. (the only thing even more ironic would be if BBT was on TV.)
• I'm eating lamb while listening to "Bo Peep Bo Peep." (Ok, that's just bad taste. :D)
• I'm watching Peter Pan, while listening to "Neverland." (That's actually a really bad one.)
• I was evicted from my apartment, while listening to "Get Out" by JYJ.
• I was listening to 4minute when I ran my mile. (What up!!!)

And that's it. I'm really bored, aren't I?

Honestly, this song reminds me of American music. Like "My First Kiss" by 3OH!3 and Ke$ha. I do like Tiffany's version more than Krystal's original version. But, I'll take both anyday.

Excitement

So, I'm just really, really, really, really, really, really, pumped right now. Our team just PWNED SOME NOOBZ.

Ok, it wasn't a ownage. But, it was just AMAAAAZING. Basically, the game was a defensive battle, I think. And filled with penalties and just awesome 4th down stands. Not much in HUGE plays, but there were a few. So, to recap, we scored first, 7-0. Then, they came back with two touchdowns, missing both PATs. 12-7. And that's the score into the half.

Out of the half, pretty tight battle. No one is really scoring. 4th quarter, we score a touchdown. Miss the 2 point conversion. 13-12. Now, everyone is super pumped. Talk of "Season's over" chants and what not. Of course, way to preliminary, but we're too hyped to think about it. We didn't do it of course.

4 minutes left. They score a touchdown. And, we're just holding our heads. Cringing. ugh.

So, we take the ball. Throw a nice 20 yard gain through the air. Then, one guy gets a penalty after the play, sets us back, I think, 15 yards. We're pissed.

2 plays afterward, throw a pick. 2 minutes left on the clock. And we're like "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Basically, we think the season is over.

So, we regroup. After all, with enough timeouts, we can stop them right?

So, they run the ball. I think it's now 2nd down and 2. False start. YES!!!

2nd and 7. Run the ball. Crap. 3rd and 2. False Start. YES!!!!

After another failed attempt, they punt, and we're down at around the 20 yard line. Then, just an AMAZING drive starts. Pass. Completion and goes out of bounds. Nice. Pass. Completion and goes out of bounds. Nice. QB get harassed on the next play, throws an incomplete. Just what we need.

THE NEXT PLAY: QB throws a bullet down the field about 20-30 yards. BOUNCES of the intended receiver, and basically becomes a jump ball. Essentially, hope is lost. Then, out of NOWHERE, another guy from our team leaps, and snatches it at the 5 yard line. We're screaming and yelling, and going basically INSANE.

QB spikes it. 6 seconds left. This is what movies are made of. First attempt five yards out. RB dives for a throw, but it's too far. We groan. Now we're crowding the front right part of the bleachers. I'm shaking. Everyone is just super loud, and we're going CRAZY. 3.5 seconds. Hike. QB throws a lob in to the back left corner. WR jumps. Catches it. In bounds. TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I'm usually a reserved person, but I just went CRAZY. INSANE. JUMPING AROUND AND SLAPPING PEOPLE ON THE BACK AND JUST GOING NUTS. Just yelling my lungs out. And then, we try charging the field, but they wouldn't let us. Oh well. Would have been amazing.

So now, I'm just writing down all my excitement from this game. I was soo nervous. I was shaking, and jumping around. My friend described it perfectly, "I think I had a heart attack." Me too. I was just going CRAZY.

So yeah. That's my spiel. Come Monday, I'll probably just be normal me again. But I'm am SOOO glad I went to this game. First game in two years. And it was epic. So glad. Just so glad.

Hopefully we make it to state. Then I might have a chance to watch them again. But just AMAZEING. This is something I definitely won't forget.

In other news...

Bernard Berrian was released!!!!! And thus begins another era-oh wait, what's that? There was never a Bernard Berrian era? But wasn't he like the most amazing wide receiver in the pas-what's that? Percy Harvin? Oh, apologies.

And our cornerback isn't terrible, but it's pretty good because we have Antoine, Chris Cook, Cedric Grif-sorry, speak up. What's that? Antoine's out and Cook is suspended? Oh.

So what am I trying to communicate here? Essentially, our wide receiver corps did not change at all. B-twice was a non-factor for the entire season. And, the guys on the other side are short two of the better cornerbacks in the secondary. Which means we have..Cedric, Asher, Marcus, and...someone else. I hope Sherels does have a chance to shine though. He definitely deserves it.

And that's my attempt at sports blogging.

Speaking of which, where's Ross Homan? I thought he was a steal?

I have not posted in a LONG time

Has there ever been a time when you're so tired, that the only thing you can do is sleep? Nothing will stop you. Not homework, not class, not something fun. I'm assuming many of you high schoolers are definitely in this bracket.

Yesterday, I could not stay awake. My head was dropping every 5 or so seconds, but the will to sleep was just too overpowering. You know the feeling when you...I don't really know how to say it, in Chinese, I would call it "mi yi xia"...when, you take shut your eyes for 4-5 seconds, and you're essentially in a sleep state. I love that state. You're getting some rest, and all your other senses are heightened. You hear better, but you're also somewhat sleeping. Those 4-5 second "naps" are just wonderful, but waking up from those are brutal. You feel just as tired, even though you managed to buy yourself some time. One thing I also find interesting is how some classes, you just have to sleep, but the period immediately after, you're wide awake. I think this is because you've walked to the other class, so the blood pumping in your system is bringing some life into your body. We should really be allowed to walk around in class, if we start falling asleep, or at least have a bucket of "slurry" or ice water in the back that we can dunk our head in. 

Also, maybe it's just me, but there are definite ways I can and cannot sleep. I find that I can't sleep when I want to, and I have to have something preoccupy me, before I can fall asleep. For example, when we have a dorm day or an off day in Viewer, I just want to sleep on the Viewer couch, but I can't. Even when I'm blocking out the ambient sound, I can't fall asleep. It's like the neurons firing in my head are preventing me from sleeping.

Another thing, people say they solve math problems while they are asleep. I can do no such thing. I think when I wake up, I'm so groggy and not alive. Also, the funny thing that I totally believe is that from hours 0-2 after you wake up, you're completely alive, and while you might be sleepy, you can live. Hours 2-4 are the funny part of the day. You can barely stay awake, and you want to sleep any moment you can. I think there's one more time period. Hours 1-2 after lunch. I'M SO SLEEPY.

But yeah, enough ranting about being tired. Homework beckons.